Magic, By Aman Singh
“Magic. Magic, they say.
Magic is what we could have been.
Magic was the potential we sighed out of our bodies.
Magic, because we went so far beyond what we knew.
Magic lifted us up. Magic drove us to keep trying.
Magic is why I sidelined all my hesitations, why I buried my red lines.
Magic was her giggle at the end of a long day. Magic was the length and flexibility of her legs.
Magic was the power of her prayers and the accuracy of her intuition
Magic it was, that I kept chasing.
Magic pulled us up, but magic dragged us down.
Magic blinded me to her flaws and my needs.
Magic eradicated any semblance of non-attachment.
Magic infiltrated my dreams.
Magic I see in every dumb Netflix movie. Magic I sense behind the memory of her blouse.
Magic chained me to what was and blocked out what could have been.
Magic robbed me of certainty and confidence in my self.
Magic is where I am lost and without bearing.
Magic brings me back to doing it all again, even when the flickers of its past illumination are no where in sight.
Magic I seek again despite all the warning signs. Magic drives me back into the toxicity, into the danger.
Magic will you actually come back? Magic why did you even come if you never planned to stay?
Magic how am I to rely on you again? To ignore the wounds that haven’t healed, that ooze out the legacy of your violence.
Magic why am I asked to trust you again when you provide no indications of what you plan to do with me or where you plan to take me?
Magic you’ve come and left in mere flashes, how can I even pretend to know what you are? If this is even you knocking at my door, rather than some brazen pretender.
Magic you know I am only a child, incapable of understanding your ways, that I’ve only known you in the confines of the mat and the bed.
Magic they claim you spark in every heart, in all prayer, that I can call on you at will.
Magic, then why have you eluded me all my life?
Magic why don’t you reveal your secrets to me, your most desperate devotee?
Magic even my anger and insults carry only reverence of your majesty.
Magic, what is this life without you, without the contours of your destruction.”